Legacy II: In My Image
by Lilpixiegirl2511
Summary: A direct sequel to Legacy, this story picks up eight months from where the epilogue ended. Joker and Harley, now married with a son, are preparing for the arrival of their second child. While they may not have to worry about Batsy anymore, Joker and Harley are in for way more than they ever bargained for.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - Just an FYI. I am currently working on re-writes to this story. Chapter one has been edited and expanded from it's original publication.**

In My Image

Chapter 1

The Iceberg Lounge was very quiet at five PM on a Monday, which made it absolutely perfect for Joker to get his family out of the house for a while. Penguin would not have allowed them to bring a toddler into his nightclub once the general public began to arrive, but he seemed content with their current arrangement. Oswald had even gone so far as to order a couple of highchairs so that the few rogues who did have children could come to the Iceberg early in the evenings with their families and enjoy a nice meal or, as Penguin looked at it, continue spending money in his establishment. Joining the Joker family were Ivy and Harvey who had been casually dating for almost two years now.

Harley was making her way through a plate of super-hot wings and a cup of spicy chili. She was already into her 40th week of pregnancy and she was desperate to get this kid out of her as soon as possible. Jackie was in his high chair happily munching on small pieces of chicken fingers and French fries as Joker and Harvey walked over to the bar to smoke a cigar and talk without the women overhearing. Harvey ordered a brandy then turned to give Joker a once over.

"You look stressed J. What's up?" J took a sip of his whiskey.

"It's this pregnancy Harv. We both thought Harley's pregnancy with Jackie was bad, but compared to this one, Jackie was a cake walk. Not to mention, Jackie was two months pre-mature thanks to Batsy's meddling. This time around, unless she goes into labor in the next couple of days, she'll be post term."

"Sorry to hear that J. I heard Harley had been pretty sick for a while. Things never got any better?"

"Well the morning sickness finally passed after four long miserable months, but the heartburn never went away. We had maybe a month of peace before the baby started moving and kicking and that started the next phase of misery. I don't know what that kid is doing in there, but it's like she's practicing for the Olympics or something." He glanced over at his friend. "Did I tell you that four weeks ago she kicked Harley so hard she broke two of her ribs?" Harvey looked up in alarm.

"What? No! I didn't even know that was possible!" He declared eyes widening in surprise. "Wow, poor Harley, that's gotta be rough." J puffed on his cigar and tapped it into the ashtray on the bar.

"You have no idea Harv. Kincade put her on bed rest for four weeks, so who do you think got stuck taking care of Jackie and doing the housework?" J poked his thumb into the center of his chest three times for emphasis as he rolled his eyes. "Don't get me wrong Harv, Jackie is a great kid. He's generally a pretty happy little guy. Maybe we don't have as much in common as I would like, but I'm hoping that'll change as he gets older." He shrugged. "But I'll be honest, not that I'll ever tell her so, but I don't know how Harley does it all on her own day in and day out. I never realized how much work was really involved. How fast the dirty dishes and laundry pile up and how quickly the house becomes a damn disaster area! And Jackie needs _soooo_ much attention. As soon as I think I'll get some time to watch TV or just sit down for five minutes he needs something, or wants to play, or gets hurt, or gets into something he shouldn't. Then there's feeding, bathing, nap times, and changing diapers." He ticked each item off on his fingers as he spoke. "Thank God we're almost through with potty training though. That kid was a veritable poop factory for the first two and a half years of his life!" Joker shook his head as he lifted his glass to take another sip. "I tell ya Harv, either I'm slowing down in my old age or I'm just not cut out to be a primary caretaker." Harvey responded in his deep baritone voice.

"That's the one benefit of only having weekend visitations with Duella. I just have to worry about it for a couple of days then my life goes back to normal for two weeks." Harvey swirled his brandy around the snifter before taking a sip. "That's a tough break buddy."

"That ain't the half of it Harv. With Harley this late into her pregnancy she's been making me have sex with her like five times a day!" He threw his hands in the air in exasperation. " _Supposedly_ taking the hot dog bus to taco town helps induce labor, or so _she_ says." He nodded towards Harley with an annoyed expression across his face. "That's also why she's over there right now scarfing down hot wings. She says spicy food's supposed to help bring on labor too." Harvey had a crooked smirk on his face.

"No offense J, but sex five times a day doesn't strike me as being much of a chore. I wish Ivy asked me to have sex with her at least five times a month. For such a hot broad, she's pretty damn cold." J sniggered into his fist.

"Pammy has always seemed a bit frigid, Harv. I give you credit for sticking with her. I've seen what that woman can do to a man with a kiss. I hate to image what she's capable of doing with her _other_ lips." He shuddered. "You're a pretty brave guy."

Harvey almost choked on the sip of liquor he had just taken. He banged on his chest trying to dispel the burning liquid from his lungs which caused Joker to break out into peals of amused laughter.

"Jesus man, are you trying to kill me? Don't let Pam hear you say that, she already hates you enough, J." He waved at Two-Face dismissively.

"Oh don't worry, as long as I'm married to Harley, she'll tolerate me. Anyway, sleeping with my wife hasn't been the worst thing I've had to do during this pregnancy. Considering Harley was so sick we barely slept together for the first four months I suppose I shouldn't be complaining about it."

"Ya think?"

Joker chuckled and looked over at the table. Harley was heading to the ladies room for the third time since they arrived and Ivy was tickling and cooing at Jackie as he giggled and smiled at her.

"Ya know Harv, for as much as Pammy hates me, I gotta say she sure loves that kid. I never took her for the nurturing type."

"Heh. She's nurturing all right, just not to human beings. I lov-." He paused momentarily and corrected himself as Joker raised an eyebrow at him. "Um, I mean I really _like_ Pam, but listening to her coo baby talk at her plants drives me up the wall sometimes." He gazed across the room to watch Ivy as she nibbled playfully on Jack's fingers. "Pam doesn't really care for Duella too much. I suppose I can't really blame her. Even I have to admit Duella is a little too moody, pouty and temperamental for a four year old. Ya know J, I tend to think that Pam's love of your son stems from her love of your wife." Harvey nodded towards Harley as she emerged from the ladies room. "Except for his eyes, Jackie really is the spitting image of Harley." Joker stamped out his cigar.

"He doesn't just look like her, Harv. He is his mother's son in almost every way." A half-smile climbed up one side of his face as he barked a short laugh. "You should see him at Gymboree. He climbs like a little monkey and tumbles like he's a professional acrobat already. It's pretty impressive really."

Harvey could hear the pride in Joker's voice and couldn't help but smile. Then he shot J a confused and curious look.

"How the hell do you get away with showing up at Gymboree?" J chuckled lightly.

"How do you think? I dress up like a clown and entertain the kiddies. I even taught myself how to make balloon animals. Harley just tells the other parents that I work at Haley's Circus. Pretty good gag, right Harv?"

Harvey chuckled at the thought of the Clown Prince of Crime entertaining a room full of toddlers.

"I may just have to put Duella in his class so I can see it with my own two eyes." Joker glanced at his watch.

"We better get back to the women. I promised Harley I'd help her walk the grand staircase a few times before we leave tonight." Harvey looked confused.

"Why does she want to do that?" J rolled his eyes.

"Exercise. Yet another thing that's _supposed_ to make her go into labor. Let's just pray it works. I don't think I have the energy for another round of hide the salami tonight."

J and Harvey stood and headed towards their table. When they got back Harley was cleaning Jackie's hands and face with a wet-wipe while Ivy helped put his toys back into the Coach diaper bag she and Selina had given Harley at Jackie's baby shower. Jackie looked up at Joker and held up his arms.

"Daddy! Up pwease."

"Okay kiddo, up you go." J said as he lifted his son into his arms. "How was your din-din Jackie?"

"Nummy daddy! I wuv fwench fwies."

Harley smiled as she watched her husband and son interacting. Jackie was getting bigger every day, his vocabulary was expanding and he was so curious about things. He was just beginning to ask questions about how the world worked. She beamed at her two favorite guys.

"Daddy, would you mind taking Jackie to the potty while I start walking the stairs?"

"Sure Pumpkin." He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "We'll be right back. Come on kiddo, let's go potty."

"Okay daddy. Can we go see the penwins?"

"Sure buddy, I don't see why not. But after we're done in the potty, okay?" Jack bounced in excitement in his father's arms.

"Penwins yaayyy!"

Ivy watched Jack and Joker in delight. She may not have much love for Joker, but he was actually not a bad father when he was actively engaged with his family. She walked over to Harley in case she needed help getting up and down the steep staircase to the ground floor of the Iceberg. Harley's belly was gigantic. If Ivy didn't know better she would have guessed she was carrying twins or even triplets. With her small frame and her ribs still not fully healed she was having some difficulty getting around lately.

"You ready Harley?"

"Sure Red. Hopefully this has _some_ kind of effect. I need this kid out of me, _now_." She winced and put a hand on her side near her kidney. "Ow! Stop kicking mommy and come out of there already!" She said to her belly with an annoyed tone to her voice.

Ivy looked at her friend with concern. She had been having a horrible time of this pregnancy. Ivy felt helpless, she had already given Harley evening primrose oil and red raspberry leaf tea, the only things she could really think of to help induce her pregnancy. They descended the steps.

"So what did Dr. Kincade and your midwife have to say?" Harley was walking with one hand supporting her back, the other on the railing.

"That if I haven't gone into labor in two weeks they're going to induce me, but I don't think I can't wait that long. I've never felt more horrible in my entire life." She shook her head. "This is it. After this one I'm done. No more kids."

"Are you having your tubes tied?"

"Well, I'm trying to talk Mistah J into getting a vasectomy, but so far he's just not having it, so I may have no choice." Ivy giggled at the thought of J getting neutered like a common mongrel.

"I noticed Jackie is still having some problems pronouncing his L's and R's. Are you worried about that at all?"

"Nah, I had a lisp until I was in the second grade. He'll grow out of it. If not, we'll have to get a speech therapist, but it's _way_ too early for that yet. Anyway, I think it's kind of cute."

"Are you kidding me? It's positively _adorable!_ I never thought in a million years that a _child_ could make me smile so much." Pam's eyes were suddenly downcast and a small frown invaded her beautiful facial features. "It kind of makes me sad that I can't bear any of my own."

"Awww, Red. There's always adoption." Ivy raised an eyebrow at her friend as they turned to go back up the staircase.

"Sure Harls, I'll just pop on down to child protective services and fill out an application. I'm sure they won't have any problem at all with the fact that I'm an escaped Arkham inmate with a criminal record a mile long." She replied sarcastically.

"Oh, yeah, I kinda forgot about that. Sorry, Red. My head hasn't been screwed on straight these past few weeks."

"That's okay Harls. Anyway I have been tinkering with a new project that's beginning to bear fruit, so to speak." Harley's eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah? Whatcha working on?"

"I'm attempting to splice plant DNA with human DNA. It's been tricky but I'm at least making some small amount of progress, although I suspect it'll take years of further research to even get close to my goals." She flicked her head flipping her red locks over her shoulder. "It keeps me occupied at least. In the meantime, I get to live vicariously through your children." Harley grinned at Ivy.

"Jackie adores you Red. He talks about you all the time, always asking when you're coming over to play with him. He loves watching you make things grow. It simply fascinates him."

"He is just too damn cute, Harls. If you and J need a break after the baby is born, you know I have no problem keeping Jackie for a few days, so please don't hesitate to ask me." Harley smiled and gave Pam a nod. Pam had been a Godsend after Jackie was born. It was tough not having any help from Jackie's grandparents, primarily due to the fact that there was absolutely zero family on Joker's side as far as either of them knew and on her own, one grandparent was in jail and the other refused to speak to her anymore. Ivy had stepped into the role in their stead. As far as Jackie knew Pam was his Aunt and Harley was grateful to have Ivy in her life. Every kid needs a family, even if it was a ragtag group of Gotham's rogues. "So Harl, do you have everything ready to go for the delivery?" They reached the bottom of the stairs, turned and headed back up.

"You better believe it. My bag is packed and waiting by the front door. Oh, I don't know if I told you, but Mistah J bought a building about two blocks from the penthouse when we found out I was pregnant and had it equipped for the delivery. After what we went through last time, he's not taking any chances. He has a handful of nurses on staff that have been rotating shifts 24 hours a day for the past few weeks. That way if we get there before Kincade and Claire, there's trained medical staff on hand to help until they make it there." Harley stopped on a stair, grimaced and placed a hand under her swollen belly. "Crap Red, I gotta get to the bathroom. She's kicking me in the bladder again."

Ivy placed a comforting arm around her friend and helped her quickly up the stairs hoping to get her there before she peed herself again.

Joker, Harvey and Jack were standing at the railing surrounding the main stage where the Penguin's penguins and seals were kept. Jackie was squealing in joy and clapping his hands as he watched the animals waddling around. Joker checked his watch.

"Well Harv, it's getting kind of late, the regular crowd should start arriving soon. Guess we better get a move on before Oswald has a fit." He leaned down and picked up his son. "Time to go buddy. Let's go find mommy, okay?"

"Okay daddy. Bye-bye penwins." Jackie said as he waved to the birds.

Harley and Ivy were coming out of the bathroom and Joker noticed immediately that Harley had changed her pants. He shook his head and chuckled.

"Awww, what happened Poohbear? Pee yourself again?" Harley looked decidedly irritated.

"I swear, it's like this kid purposely kicks me in the bladder when she knows there's no way I can make it to the ladies room in time. I've had just about enough of it."

Her tone indicated she had gone beyond irritated and into the realm of genuine anger. It worried him. She was so excited about having Jackie and she was over the moon when she found out she was pregnant again, but over the past four or five months she had been getting resentful. He couldn't say he blamed her necessarily. It had been a very difficult pregnancy for her, but it seemed she held no joy or excitement about bringing their daughter into the world at this point. He had been confident that once the baby finally came she'd get over it, but lately he was starting to have some doubts. She still hadn't decided on a name for the child, and he was beginning to suspect it was because she didn't really care. Due to how much she had been suffering, she seemed to have developed a detachment from the baby. He was trying to be optimistic, however. Things would fall into place in time. They always did, right?

"What's wong mama?" She smiled at her son and tried to hide her animosity.

"Mommy's just tired Jackie." Joker placed his hand on the small of Harley's back.

"Come on, Pumpkin. Let's get you home."

Their current home was a penthouse apartment on the Upper West Side. They took the private elevator to their floor in silence. Jackie was dozing in his stroller and Harley was holding her side, a look of discomfort on her face. Beside him a bald, hulking beast of a man in a black suit stood with his hands clasped loosely in front of him. He made no sound but diligently surveyed the small confines of the elevator as the car rose to the top floor. Joker had chosen to employ a veritable army of comprehensively trained bodyguards to protect his family. These highly skilled men were armed at all times and each wore a com link in one ear so they could quickly communicate should anything dangerous go down. He still employed a handful of the garden variety henchmen but they were mostly used for grunt work and shakedowns since Joker's retirement from the super-villain game. He made a conscious decision to never leave the safety of his family to _that_ lot. After his last tangle with Batman the night Jackie was born and Harley almost died, he wasn't leaving anything to chance. As they exited the elevator they were greeted by the sight of two more trained men standing guard in the hallway in front of their door. Since Jackie was born he hadn't seen hide nor hair of Batman or any of his brood, but he still felt better having the extra security. Fatherhood had made him ridiculously overprotective of both his wife and child. In addition to that, he still walked with a slight limp due to the gunshot to his thigh that nearly killed him. It ached most of the time and could be agonizing whenever it rained. If the new Batman ever did show up, he was no longer confident he'd come out of it the winner.

Harley took Jackie out of his stroller and started their evening routine while Joker went to walk and feed the hyenas. She bathed him as he cheerfully played with his rubber ducky and toy boats. Even though she was irritable and physically feeling awful she couldn't help but smile as she washed and played with her son. He was such a delight, the true light of her life. They had bonded immediately when he was born and he had been such a good baby. He rarely cried and laughed often. As he grew she found something new about him every day that made her smile, laugh or feel an incredible sense of pride. He was smart as a whip, but also fun and goofy. And he was so kind. He wasn't even three yet and he already showed how large his heart was. He always shared with other children and he was very in tune with other people's emotions. If she were feeling down or sick he always found a way to make her feel better, even if it were just him climbing into her lap to cuddle quietly with her. He loved animals and had bonded with Bud and Lou as soon as J brought them back into their household. Bud and Lou had subsequently become very protective of him. In fact, they both slept beside his bed at night, their hackles raising at any unusual sound or any sign of danger.

"Mama?"

"Yes Jackie."

"When is sissy coming?"

She realized then that she had been putting off naming the baby, thus Jackie referring to her as 'sissy'. She resolved to talk to J about it once Jackie was asleep.

"Your baby sister will be here very, very soon." He smiled, his green eyes bright and full of wonder.

"I want to howd her and pway wif her. I yill wet her plway wif my twucks and Mistaw Peanuts too."

Jackie's favorite stuffed animal was a pink elephant he named Mr. Peanuts. Pam had given it to him when he was just an infant. It was his prized possession and he never slept without it. Her heart melted to hear him say he wanted to share him with his unborn sister.

"I'm sure she'll like that very much. But she'll be very small when she's born, so it will be a little while before she's big enough to play with you honey."

"I know. Can we wead her books, mama?"

"Of course we can sweetie. I think she'd enjoy that very much." He smiled broadly. He was just so excited to be a big brother. "What story should we read for bedtime tonight Jackie?"

"Ten wittle wady bugs!" She grinned at her beautiful baby boy.

"Okay kiddo. Let's get you dried off and we'll read Ten Little Lady Bugs together, okay?"

She dried him, put a pull up diaper and his favorite Elmo pajamas on him and tucked him into his bed. Bud and Lou, back from their walk with J, wandered in and took their usual positions next the bed. Harley scratched them both behind the ears and praised them for watching over her son. They had only gotten Jackie a big boy bed a few weeks ago, but he seemed to be taking to it really well. Plus, he loved waking up to find one or both of the hyenas curled up beside him on the mattress in the mornings. She sat in the chair beside the bed and she and Jackie read their book together. After the first reading he asked her to read it again, which she happily did and by halfway through he was sound asleep. She tiptoed out of his room, turning on the baby monitor on her way out. The monitor was fairly high tech. It had both sound and video and could be accessed from not only the corresponding handheld monitor but also from any computer or mobile device if she was nervous or just wanted to watch her little angel sleeping.

She headed into the living room where Joker was watching the news with his feet propped up on the coffee table. She sat down heavily on the couch and rubbed her heavy belly.

"How ya doing Poo? Has she stopped kicking you?"

"For now, yeah, but you know how it goes, she'll have me up and out of bed at least three times tonight." She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a small belch. "God, I shouldn't have had those wings. I have heartburn now. Can you pass me the antacid please?"

J leaned over and plucked the bottle of Tums from the end table and passed it to her. He couldn't resist a small chuckle.

"I told you so, Poohbear. How is Jackie?"

"Sound asleep. He's really excited about becoming a big brother. He asked me when his sissy will be here." She looked down at the bottle avoiding his gaze. "Which reminded me that we haven't picked a name yet." She poured some tablets into her palm.

"Well Pumpkin, you haven't seemed up to discussing it and I didn't want to push you. I know how lousy you've been feeling lately." Cringing, she chewed a handful of the chalky antacids. Harley sighed heavily.

"Well for Jackie's sake we need to take care of it tonight. I'd like him to have a real name to call her other than just sissy."

"So what were your thoughts?" She shrugged.

"I don't know. I've tried to not think about it because for months I've had this terrible feeling that there was something wrong and I was afraid I might lose the baby." Joker snapped his head towards her his eyes wide, a shocked expression on his face.

"You never told me that before. Why would you even think that Poo?" She shook her head and focused her gaze on a piece of lint on the carpet.

"It's everything. How sick I was, her beating me up from the inside….but mostly it's the dreams, I guess."

"But Pumpkin, we talked to both Kincade and Claire about this. Having vivid, realistic and sometimes terrifying dreams is very common for pregnant women." He laid his open palm against her cheek and caressed it with his thumb. "Harley, the baby is healthy, you'll be giving birth any day now and then you'll see how silly all this ridiculous worrying is. Everything is going to be fine." She leaned into his caress before he removed his hand from her face.

"I really hope you're right Puddin. Let's just pray I go into labor soon. I'm sure I'll feel much better once I'm the only person occupying my body again." She looked down and gently poked her stomach. "You hear that kid? You're getting evicted _very_ soon so stop being stubborn and come on out, okay?" The baby responded by kicking her in the back. "Ouch! Was that really necessary?"

"So Poo, back to names. Did you have any thoughts at all?"

"No Puddin, I don't. What about you?"

"I thought it might be cute if they both had names that began with J." She cracked a half smile.

"Like their daddy?"

"Come on kiddo, you know better than anyone that I'm vain."

They spent the next twenty minutes looking up girl baby names that started with J on the internet, tossing ideas back and forth until they were able to finally make a decision.

"Johanna. I like it. We can call her Jojo for short. What do you think, Poo?"

"I think the baby finally has a name. I'll tell Jackie in the morning. Now can we please go to bed? I'm exhausted Puddin."

"Sure Pumpkin." He stood and held out his hands to help her off the couch. "Let's get some shuteye and maybe by the morning little Jojo will decide to check out of the Harley Hotel."

"God let's hope so, before she breaks another one of my ribs."

Harley was so tired she didn't even ask Joker to make love to her. She kissed her husband, rolled over and passed out almost immediately. Joker curled up behind her, wrapping his arm around her and resting it on her belly. He felt terrible for her, he couldn't image what it must feel like to have a small person living inside of you, especially when said little person was brutalizing your body from the inside. He made a silent wish that sometime soon Harley would go into labor. He was sure she would feel much, much better once the baby was finally out of her. He squeezed her gently, kissed her cheek and eventually drifted off wondering what their daughter would look like once she finally decided to join the world.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - To those who have already read chapters 1-6: There are a few additions to this chapter that I felt were necessary to move the story in the right direction down the line.**

Chapter 2

"It's okay Harley. You're doing good baby. Just relax." Joker cooed as he held Harley's hand.

" ** _Let me dilate your penis ten centimeters and see how well you fucking relax_**!" His red-faced wife screamed in response.

As Harley had entered her 42nd week of pregnancy she finally went into labor naturally. She had been in the kitchen making a pot of macaroni and cheese for Jackie's dinner. She hadn't had any contractions or any other indication she was going into labor until suddenly, as she spooned the cheesy pasta onto her son's plate, her water broke.

" _Puddin! It's time! We gotta go NOW!"_

J grabbed his son and the bags that were packed and waiting next to the door and hurried Harley into the elevator. Three armed guards accompanied them. After all these years Lewis was still their regular driver. The black Suburban he was driving squealed to a stop in front of them. Lewis quickly hopped out and helped a frantic and nervous Joker get Harley and Jackie into the car.

"Everyone ok boss?"

Lewis had only seen J this nervous one other time in all the years he had been in his employ, the night Harley almost died. Joker waved him off.

"Fine Lewis, just get us to the Med center. Fast!"

"On it boss!"

One bodyguard rode shotgun in the Suburban and two others followed behind them in a black Lincoln Town Car. Lewis didn't need any instructions or directions, they had been preparing for this for months. He slammed his foot down on the accelerator and rushed them over to the medical facility as quickly as he could without getting pulled over. Joker pulled out his cell phone and called Dr. Kincade, their midwife Claire and Poison Ivy to tell them to get their asses over there right away.

J stayed with Harley through fourteen hours of labor thus far. Things were finally picking up speed. Her contractions were practically constant now and Dr. Kincade and their midwife Claire Porzio were preparing for the birth. Kincade looked up at Harley.

"Do you want me to pull down the mirror so you can see?" Harley glared at him as another violent contraction ripped through her body.

"I don't need the God damn play by play, _let's just do this_!" As the next contraction hit her she clutched Joker's hand in a vicelike grip.

"Easy Harls. I'm gonna need to use these fingers again at some point!" He grunted as he winced in pain. She shot him a demonic look that shut him up immediately.

"I don't want to hear it! _You_ did this to me!" Another contraction ripped through her and she screamed. She frantically looked at Dr. Kincade. "Why did we decide on a natural birth? Can't you give me an epidural? I don't want to do this!" The doctor looked up at her sympathetically.

"Harley, the baby is already coming, it's far too late for an epidural." He took up his position at the end of the delivery table and prepared for the birth. He looked up and met his patient's eyes "Okay Harley, take a deep breath and then I need you to push for me."

Harley pushed with all of her might. Claire came around to hold Harley's other hand. Her damp bangs were plastered to her forehead as sweat poured down her face from the exertion.

"It hurts, it hurts! She's gonna rip me apart!"

"No she's not, Harley. You can do this. The baby is crowning. You're doing a very good job. Just keep it up."

Tears were freely flowing down her cheeks and her throat was becoming raw and hoarse from the screaming. Prior to this moment she had thought no one could inflict more pain on her than the Joker, but she was wrong. Dead wrong. Another violent contraction gripped her.

"Oh fuck me!" She screamed as her face twisted into a grimace of pain. Joker couldn't resist.

"That's how we got into this situation in the first place, Harley." She let go of his hand, balled her fist and punched him square in the jaw.

"Shut up, asshole! Oh God _please_ Kincade, get her out of me! It burns!" Kincade glanced up at Harley's tear streaked face.

"It's okay, you're doing great. Just keep pushing for me Harley."

As is typical in most deliveries, a pregnant woman uses the same muscles to push as one uses to defecate causing at least some amount of poop to be involved. This being Harley's first natural birth neither she nor J were fully prepared for it when it happened. The smell hit J's nostrils.

"Did she just poop?" asked J in a shocked tone.

Claire quickly and expertly cleaned Harley up changing the disposable pad underneath her as if it were nothing. Harley was mortified.

"Don't look!" It distracted her from the task at hand. Doctor Kincade called out to her.

"Harley don't give up on me now, she's almost out. I need you to keep pushing."

Harley bore down, pushing with everything she had left in her.

"The head is out. Okay one more push and we're done."

Harley let her head fall back onto the pillows feeling weak, lightheaded and short of breath. She shook her head back and forth on the damp pillow.

"I can't. I can't do it." Joker grabbed her hand.

"You can do this Poo. You're tough. You've beaten the snot out of Batsy before, you can push out this baby. Now push Pumpkin. PUSH!"

Harley took a deep breath and somehow found the energy to lean forward and push one final time. Moments later the sound of crying filled the room as the baby took its first breath. Harley collapsed onto the pillows behind her. Her face was red, sweat was beading on her upper lip and she was breathing heavily. She had never been so exhausted in her entire life.

"It's a healthy baby girl! Joker, do you want to cut the cord?" J had never been squeamish about cutting anything before but he had to admit he was a little apprehensive when it came to his own kid.

"Um, I guess so?" He stood from his chair and walked over to get the first glimpse of his daughter.

"Oh my God." Harley looked up startled.

"What? What's wrong?"

"She's huge!" Kincade smiled.

"She's going to be a tall girl. It's no wonder Harley was in so much discomfort." Joker looked over at Harley's vagina and did a double take. He pointed at it as his eyes boggled from his skull.

"I think she broke it! Am I ever gonna be able to use it again?" Kincade couldn't stifle his chuckle.

"Not for six weeks you won't, but don't worry. You'll be surprised how quickly her body will go back to normal." Kincade handed J a pair of surgical scissors. He pointed to the spot he wanted Joker to cut. "One quick snip, right here J."

Joker cautiously positioned the scissors and snipped through the cord. Claire then swaddled the baby and brought her over for Harley to hold for a few minutes before she was taken by the nurses to be cleaned up, weighed and measured. The baby was wailing at the top of her lungs as Harley took her into her arms. Her eyes moved over her daughters face. Her hair was a soft blonde but that's where the resemblance to Harley stopped. Her eyes were green, like her father's, and smaller in size than Jackie's when he was born. Her nose was long, her lips wide and even as a newborn she could see that she would likely develop the sharp angular features the Joker possessed. Even covered in blood and placenta Harley could tell she was unnaturally pale. The child stared at Harley as it howled, eyes cold and hawk like.

"Welcome to the world Jojo." She looked up at J. "She looks just like you Puddin." Joker smiled at this and searched his child's face himself.

"Poor kid got my nose after all."

Throughout all of this the baby never stopped wailing. Harley still had afterbirth to deliver, she was cranky and exhausted and she just couldn't take it at that moment. She looked at her husband.

"Take her."

Joker lifted the child from Harley's arms and the baby stopped crying immediately. She stared into her father's face in wonder.

"Well, would you look at that. She likes me." Claire came over to Joker to take the baby.

"It's time for the nurses to do their jobs. You can both see her again in a little while." She handed the child over to the nursing staff and the baby started crying again. They whisked her quickly from the room.

"Pud, can you please go check on Red and Jackie for me?"

"Of course Pumpkin." He leaned over and kissed his wife on the lips. "You did a really good job Poo. I'm proud of you." She gazed at him through heavy lids.

"Thanks Puddin. I love you."

"Me too, Poo. Me too."

He left the delivery room and walked down the hallway to a small area he had set up as a waiting room. They had arranged ahead of time that Ivy would watch Jackie during Harley's labor. She had been with them throughout the duration. Lewis had stayed as long as he could, but much like Harley and Joker he recently had his own new addition to his growing family and he needed to get home to help his girlfriend with the baby. Joker found Ivy dozing in a recliner with Jackie asleep on her chest. He lightly nudged her arm. Her eyes snapped open and she looked at J.

"Did she have the baby yet?" She whispered, trying not to wake Jackie.

"Yeah. A very big but healthy baby girl." Ivy visibly relaxed.

"When can I see her?"

"Not for a while yet. She still has to pass the afterbirth." He visibly shuddered. "I'm kinda glad she sent me out of the room for that part. The birth was traumatizing enough."

Jackie stirred at the sound of his father's voice. He sleepily rubbed his eyes and turned his head.

"Hi daddy. Is Jojo hewe yet?"

Joker picked up his son and wrapped his long arms around him.

"She sure is Jackie."

"Whewe is mama?"

"Mommy is resting now Jackie." Jackie frowned. "You can see them both in a little while though." Jack's face brightened once again, a smile crossing the tiny features that looked so much like his mother's. "You hungry, sport?"

"A wittle. Can I have gowdfish cwackers?"

"Sure buddy. You can have some goldfish." He looked over at Ivy. "Where's the overnight bag?" Ivy stood.

"It's over here, J. I'll get it."

A few hours later Joker carried Jackie to Harley's room. He peeked his head inside. She was dozing lightly as a nurse checked her vitals.

"Is it okay for Jackie to see his mother yet?" The nurse looked up and gave the two of them a friendly smile.

"Yes, of course. Come in. You have perfect timing, we're about to bring your daughter in for a feeding."

Harley's eyelids fluttered open and she smiled to see her son.

"Hey Jackie. Were you a good boy for Auntie Ivy?"

"Yes mama. Daddy, I want mama pwease."

"Okay Jackie but just for a few minutes until Jojo gets here. And be careful, mommy is pretty sore. Okay?" Jackie nodded.

Joker carried Jack over to his mother's bed where he climbed beside her and snuggled up against her, nestling his head on her shoulder.

"I weawwy missed you mama." Harley kissed her son on the top of his head, wrapping her arm around him and pulling him close.

"I missed you too Jackie. Are you excited to meet your baby sister?" His eyes lit up as he gazed up into her face.

"Yes! Can I howd her?"

"Not today sweetie, she's still too little for you to hold, but soon."

"Mama, how did Jojo get out of your tummy?"

Harley looked thoughtful for a moment. She had been expecting this question and how best to answer it when it came. She decided honesty was the best policy.

"Jackie, you know how you have a penis?"

"Yes mama."

"Well ladies don't have a penis, they have a vagina. Which is the special place that the baby comes out."

He seemed to think about it for a moment and accepted it without any further questions. At that moment the nurse came in with Jojo, swaddled in a clean blanket.

"Okay Jackie, ready to meet Jojo?" He sat up in excitement, bouncing slightly in anticipation. The nurse handed the baby to Harley. Jojo's eyes cracked open and she started wailing at the top of her lungs. Jackie flinched at the sound.

"I fink she's bwoken mama." Harley chuckled.

"She's not broken, honey. Little babies cry a lot. You did too when you were smaller." He put his hands over his ears.

"I don't wike it." Joker came over and picked Jackie up.

"Come on buddy, you can sit with daddy while mommy feeds the baby." Harley looked at the nurse.

"So how much does she weigh?"

"She is ten pounds, two ounces and twenty-six inches long."

"Isn't that unusually large?" The nurse gave her a kind smile.

"It is a bit larger than normal, but she's not breaking any records." She looked at the Joker. "I say she favors her father is all."

Harley opened her nightgown to expose her breast and placed Jojo's mouth against her nipple. The baby continued to cry but didn't start nursing. She tried to physically place her nipple in the baby's mouth but she turned her head away while continuing to wail.

"Come on sweetie, you have to eat." She tried again and again but Jojo would not take to the nipple. It was very obviously stressing Harley out. The nurse looked mildly concerned.

"I'll go get the doctor."

Moments later Doctor Kincade and Claire both entered the room. They saw the difficulty Harley was having. Kincade took the baby over to an examination table and checked her for any deformities of the mouth or any other reasons she may be refusing to suckle and found nothing obvious.

"Look Harley, you had a difficult pregnancy and a stressful birth. It's not all that unusual for an infant to refuse the breast when the mother is stressed. Let's try this. We'll pump some milk to make sure your flow is good and that there are no problems with your milk. If she still won't suckle we can try a bottle feed and work from there."

Harley's eyes were filled with tears. Her baby rejecting her breast made her feel like she was rejecting her as a mother. It tore at her heart. She nodded at Kincade, afraid to speak for fear of breaking down in tears in front of her son. Harley pumped a bottle of breast milk which Kincade tested for any problems and found none. He placed Jojo back into her arms as she continued to cry and handed over the bottle. Harley rubbed the nipple against her lips and the baby began to feed. Harley was relieved the baby was eating but she still felt like a failure as a mother. Breastfeeding with Jackie developed such a strong bond between the two of them. What if Jojo continued refusing her breast? She already felt a detachment to this child, what happens if they can't find a way to bond? She was suddenly feeling short of breath and her hands began to shake. Her heart began pounding more quickly than it should have been and her breathing increased. Kincade noticed immediately.

"Joker, how about you finish up feeding the baby while I take Jack down the hallway to Miss Isley."

J was oblivious that there was anything wrong. He was just deliriously happy that the baby was here and had all ten fingers and toes. He looked up at the doctor in confusion, then over at Harley then back at the doctor.

"Ooookaayy."

He took the baby and continued to bottle feed her. The moment Kincade took Jack out of the room Harley broke down hysterically sobbing. She knew she was having a panic attack but Joker couldn't fathom what the hell was going on.

"Harley? What's the matter Pumpkin?"

She couldn't answer him, she just sobbed uncontrollably until the doctor came back. He was holding a cup of water in one hand and a white, hexagonal shaped pill in a small paper cup in the other.

"Harley. It's going to be okay. I need you to take this for me, okay?"

She wordlessly took the Ativan he offered her with shaky hands and washed it down with the glass of water. Her sobs had slowed to sniffles. Joker stared at them in perplexity.

"What is going on?" Kincade looked over at Joker who was still feeding their newborn.

"Harley's just having a little panic attack. Anxiety is common after birth, especially after a pregnancy as challenging as hers. Everything is going to be okay though. Right Harley?"

"Yeah, sure Doc." She said cheerlessly with a sniffle as she wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. "Everything is gonna be just ducky."

After Joker finished feeding their daughter the nurses took her away. Harley calmed down as the medication began doing its job. Her eyelids were getting heavy.

"Mistah J, can you go get Red for me please? I want to talk to her."

"Sure Pumpkin. Sit tight, I'll be back."

Ivy entered the room and knew immediately that something was wrong.

"What's the matter sweet pea?"

"She hates me."

"Who hates you?"

"Johanna. She hates me." Ivy grabbed Harley's hand and rubbed her thumb across her knuckles.

"Don't be silly Harl. Why would you even say that?"

"She cries when I hold her, she won't breastfeed and she looks at me in this way that chills me to the bone. Jackie was so loving and we bonded instantly. I don't even want to be near this one. What the hell is wrong with me Red?"

"Harley, look sweetie. You just went through a really rough time and it's your first natural birth. You're emotional, in pain and exhausted. It's nothing a good night's sleep can't fix. So why don't you lay back, relax and let those eyelids close." Ivy stroked Harley's hair as she pumped up her pheromones with valerian root, kava kava and chamomile to help her relax and sleep. "Everything is going to look better in the morning. I promise."

Slowly Harley's eyelids drooped and eventually she dropped off into a fitful sleep. Ivy stayed with her for a while to ensure she wasn't going to wake up then went to find Joker. He was on the floor with Jackie playing with his trucks, making engine sounds as he helped his son push them around an imaginary track. Ivy couldn't stifle her small chuckle. He looked up at the sound and saw her standing there watching them.

"Pammy, how is she?"

"Very stressed out. She's asleep now and should be fine until the morning. Why don't you take Jackie home, get a decent meal and a good night's sleep? I'll stay with her until you get back in the morning."

"You sure that's a good idea? She might kill me for leaving."

"No she won't, trust me. I made sure she'd sleep through the night. Just get back early, she's going to need us both. This was pretty traumatic for her. With the baby refusing to nurse, I'm worried she may already be suffering from postpartum depression."

"Great, that's all we need." He looked down at his son. "You ready to go home buddy?" Jackie stopped pushing his truck and looked up at his father.

"Is mama coming?"

"No sweetie, mommy needs to stay here for a few days so the doctors can make sure everything is all right with the baby, but don't worry kiddo. Auntie Ivy is going to watch over them while we're gone and we'll come back bright and early to see her, okay?"

"Okay daddy." He said a bit glumly but he didn't argue. "Auntie Ivy, kisses and hugs pwease."

Ivy picked Jackie up and smothered him in kisses all over as he giggled in delight.

"Be good for your daddy Jackie and I'll see you in the morning."

"I wiww Auntie Ivy. I wuv you. Night-night."

"I love you too kiddo. Sleep tight." Joker looked at Ivy before heading out to the car.

"Thanks for this Pammy. I appreciate it. Really."

"Ah, get out of here you two. I'll see you both in the morning."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N – There are a few very minor edits to this chapter if you read it previously.**

Chapter 3

It had been a little over a week since Harley had been released from the medical facility by Dr. Kincade and although things were far from blissful a sort of routine seemed to have been established. Jojo still adamantly refused to breastfeed but on the bright side she had begun crying less often and finally tolerated Harley holding her, had even begun falling asleep in her arms which was a great relief. Harley had stayed in the medical facility for four days after the birth and Kincade had run a battery of tests on the baby to determine if there were any underlying medical conditions with the child. The good news was that she received a clean bill of health, which meant she was just a particularly fussy baby who had her own ideas about feeding. The doctor had sent Harley home with a prescription for a low dose of Zoloft, an anti-depressant that was safe for nursing mothers to use as it couldn't be passed to the baby through her milk. It was helping her keep her spirits up, even if she was still a bit stressed that Jojo would only bottle feed.

Joker was usually gone for at least a portion of each day. Although he had retired from the super-villain racket, he still had legitimate businesses he had to keep track of as well a few that weren't so legitimate that still needed his attention. If he didn't manage things himself and work hands on, keeping himself visible to his associates, he knew from experience that there was always someone stupid enough to try to weasel in on his action or skim profits off the top. Outside of tormenting Batman, Joker had gotten into crime to _avoid_ work, and that was the rub. The true irony was that it _was_ a career and it took hard work to keep things running smoothly.

Joker returned home from a meeting with one of his distributors shortly after one in the afternoon. The apartment was very quiet when he walked in the front door. Jackie was usually down for a nap at this time of day but that bit of peace was generally countered by the sound of the baby crying these days. He found Harley in the nursery pumping her breast milk as she watched over their sleeping infant. He was about to greet her as she looked up and put her finger over her lips in a shushing gesture. She finished with the electric pump, removed the bottle of extracted milk and tiptoed into the hallway, quietly pulling the door shut behind her. J followed her into the kitchen.

"How are the kiddos, Poo?" She screwed a lid onto the bottle she held and stored it in the refrigerator.

"Sleeping finally. How did your meeting go Puddin?"

"Fine. Just fine. There was a slight hold up on a large delivery, but we were able to work it out."

She noticed a spot of blood on his cheek. She grabbed a wet-wipe from the container on the counter, reached up and dabbed it off holding up the pinkish corner of towelette when she'd finished.

"So who'd you have to shoot to get it 'worked out' Pud?" She asked with a cockeyed smile on her lips.

"No one, believe it or not. I just had to pound some sense into one of my associates. He had this crazy idea that he could persuade me to pay him more than our agreed price by holding my shipment hostage. No worries, he finally sees things my way and everything is just hunky dory, Pumpkin." He chuckled as he noticed Harley massaging her swollen boobs. "Harley, why are you bothering to keep your milk up when Jojo doesn't seem to want to breastfeed? We can switch to formula ya know."

"Lots of reasons Pud. First of all I'll drop the baby weight _a lot_ faster. Secondly, my milk has antibodies in it that can help Jojo fight off viruses and bacteria and helps to lower her risk to getting asthma, certain allergies, and a bunch of other stuff. But mostly it's because I keep hoping she'll come around eventually and start nursing." He slung one arm over her shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze.

"Well, don't make yourself crazy over it, Harls. That kid is as stubborn as her daddy."

Harley dramatically rolled her eyes as she laid her head on her husband's shoulder.

"Don't remind me." Joker turned his head and surveyed the apartment.

"Where are Bud and Lou?"

"I'll give you one guess." She replied as she gestured her head towards Jack's bedroom door.

"Mind if I peek in on the little guy?"

"As long as you don't wake him up. This is the first bit of peace and quiet I've had all day long."

J softly walked down the hallway to his son's room and cracked open the door. Lou, who was asleep on the floor in front of Jack's bed instinctually stood in front of him protectively as Bud lifted his head from his spot on the mattress. Seeing their master they both relaxed, Bud laying his head down on top of Jack's legs like a warm hyena blanket. Jackie was sound asleep, thumb in his mouth, his other hand curled in Bud's fur. He looked like a little cherub. Joker couldn't get over the fact that this tiny little ball of love was actually the fruit of his loins. He smiled widely and withdrew from the room so he didn't accidently wake him. He was tempted to look in on Jojo, but the kid was such a light sleeper he didn't dare. If he woke that one up Harley might string him up by his balls. There was no doubt at all in anyone's mind that _she_ was his kid. He had a feeling she was going to be a handful as she grew.

He walked back down the hallway to find Harley in the living room watching some horrendous soap opera with the volume turned way down. Joker looked his wife over and noticed the dark circles under her eyes. She had been doing the bulk of the late night feedings since he was still 'working' and it was obviously taking a toll on her.

"You look tired, Poo. How about I keep an eye on the kiddies and you go take a little nap?" She looked incredibly surprised that he had suggested such a thing.

"Really? You sure you can handle them both?" He cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Pumpkin, I've fought off Batsy, Bratgirl, Wingnut and the Boy Blunder all at once. You think I can't handle my own kids for a couple of hours?"

She almost said yes, but she really was exhausted and was grateful to get a little reprieve. Instead she smiled, stood and put her arms around her husband's neck.

"You're absolutely right Pud, you'll be just fine. Thanks for this, I've been feeling a little dead on my feet all day." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. "Wake me up if you have any problems."

"Pumpkin, I'm the Joker. I can handle anything that gets thrown at me. So, don't be a worrywart. You just get some rest and leave it to me."

She smiled to herself as she headed to their room to lie down. He'd not had the chance to have both kids on his own yet, it would be good practice for him. It would likely be a fiasco, but at least he might appreciate what she did all day a little more once he had this little opportunity. She giggled to herself as she curled up under the comforter and closed her eyes. She couldn't wait to see how this played out.

Joker went into the living room to watch a little TV while Harley and the kids napped. He had no sooner switched on the news and propped his feet on the coffee table when he felt himself being watched. He turned to see Jackie standing there, thumb in his mouth, Mr. Peanuts hanging in the crook of one arm and naked from the waist down. Bud and Lou wandered in behind him.

"Hey there little buddy. What happened to your pants?" Jackie looked down at the floor as he continued sucking his thumb. "What's wrong Jackie?" he pulled his thumb from his mouth but didn't look up.

"I had an accident, daddy. I sowwy." He said with tears in his little green eyes. J internally sighed, got up and kneeled down in front of his son.

"Hey, that's okay Jackie. Accidents happen. Let's go get you cleaned up."

He brought Jack to his room and stripped him down so he could get him into the bath. He found Jack's urine damp pants and pull up diaper balled up on the floor. His sheets were also pretty wet. He needed to get this stuff into the washer before Harley woke up, but he was reluctant to pick them up with his hands. He had no problem at all with blood but he was still a little squeamish when it came to urine, poop and vomit. He had an idea and jogged down to the kitchen. He returned with a plastic garbage bag and a pair of salad tongs which he used to pick up the clothes and peel the wet bedding away, depositing everything into the bag. See this parenting thing wasn't so hard. He didn't understand why Harley complained so much.

On his way down to the laundry room he stopped into the bathroom to start running a bath for Jack. Jack followed closely behind him. He plugged the tub and turned on the taps checking to make sure the temperature was only a little over lukewarm.

"Daddy, I need to poo-poo." He turned to look at his son.

"Okay Jackie." He set down the bag and lifted Jack onto the commode. "Will you be okay alone for a minute while daddy starts the wash?"

"Yes daddy."

He headed down the hallway and entered the laundry room. The washing machine was full of wet clothes waiting to be put into the dryer. He opened the door to the dryer which was full of warm clothing that had just finished tumbling.

"Crap."

He placed the dry clothes in a laundry basket and switched the wet clothes into the now empty dryer. With that done he lifted the bag of urine soaked laundry and dumped it into the machine, added soap and started the cycle when he heard Jack yelling from the bathroom.

"Daddy!"

He dashed down the hallway to the bathroom. Jackie had apparently fallen backwards on the seat and he was now stuck halfway in the toilet. The bathtub, which he had completely forgotten about, was overflowing, water rolling across the bathroom tiles and soaking into the carpeting in the hallway. He wasn't sure what he should address first, his stuck toddler or the flood. He grabbed Jack and yanked, popping him out of the toilet seat and setting him down on the floor, noticing as he did that poop had gotten squished onto his bottom when he fell. Then he lunged over to the tub to shut off the taps and pull the drain plug. He could feel the warm water seeping into his leather shoes and spats and slowly creeping up the legs of his trousers. He sighed and turned to Jack who was doing his best to clean himself up with a wadded up ball of toilet paper.

"Daddy, my butt itches."

"Come on buddy. Let's get you into the tub."

When the level of water had drained halfway he put the stopper back in and lifted Jackie into the tub. He realized he needed to get Jackie situated before handling the puddles on the floor so he knelt down into the water and washed Jack up as quickly as he could then wrapped him in a towel and took him to his room to get him dressed. He put him in a pull up and then began opening drawers trying to figure out what to dress him in when the baby started wailing hysterically from the nursery.

"Crap, not now Jojo." He whined. Jackie walked over to his father.

"Is okay daddy. I can do it. I'm a big boy now."

"You know how to dress yourself buddy?" He nodded his head.

"Uh-huh. Mama lets me."

"Okay, you go ahead and get dressed while I go get your sister."

He ran down the hallway into the nursery and picked up the baby. He didn't have to check to know the kid needed a diaper change. She had apparently had an explosive bowel movement that ran up her back, soaking her onesie in atomic green baby poop that was now covering his hand as well. It smelled worse than death.

"Oh good grief! What else could possibly go wrong?"

He took Jojo over to the changing table as she bawled and began the task of cleaning poop off both himself and his infant daughter. He couldn't help but gag as he opened her diaper. It was literally everywhere.

"This is gonna take more than a baby wipe."

He brought the baby into the bathroom where Jackie's bath water was still standing in the tub growing cold. He dunked her in the water and sponged off the green mess as quickly as possible. Just as he was finishing up his task Jojo took that exact moment to finish expelling the contents of her bowels into the bath water.

"Oh that is just disgusting, kiddo."

Not sure what else to do he lifted the baby up and turned on the showerhead, sticking her lower half under the spray to try to rinse off the rest of the poop. There were no other bath towels in the room so he took one of Harley's decorative hand towels from the wall and wrapped her in it. As he turned to go get the baby diapered and dressed he saw Jackie standing there looking very proud of himself. He was wearing a pair of black pants covered in Mickey Mouse heads and a superman shirt which he had on inside out. His socks were mismatched, one was bright green the other yellow.

"See daddy. I'm a big boy. I dwessed mysewf." He did his best not to laugh. He didn't want to hurt the kid's feelings.

"And you did a very good job kiddo." The baby was still crying. "Wanna come help daddy get Jojo dressed?"

"Okay daddy. Then can we have wunch? I'm hungwy."

"Sure buddy."

He had a dickens of a time trying to get the baby dressed. She was fussing and would not hold still as he tried to get her tiny arms into the sleeves of the clean onesie.

"This would be a heck of a lot easier if I had an extra hand."

Finally he managed to get the baby dressed then took both kids into the kitchen to get them fed. He put the baby in the infant seat and placed it on the kitchen table and lifted Jack into his highchair. Jojo was the priority at the moment as her crying was working his last nerve. He pulled a bottle of breast milk from the fridge and placed it in the electric bottle warmer on the counter. While that was warming he looked at his son.

"So what do you want to eat today Jackie?"

"Gwiwwed cheese, pwease!" He was thanking his lucky stars it was something he actually knew how to make.

"Okay buddy. I can handle grilled cheese."

He gathered the butter, bread and American cheese and started putting the sandwich together as he put a frying pan on the stove and turned on the burner to get it warmed up. The timer on the bottle warmer went off. He looked at Jojo and back at the stove trying to figure out how to both cook Jack's lunch and give the baby her bottle at the same time. He picked her up and held her close to his face steadying the bottle with his chin as he made the grilled cheese. He was actually pretty impressed with himself. He flipped the sandwich in the pan with the spatula in his right hand as Jojo decided she was done eating, spitting the nipple from her mouth. J put the bottle on the counter and laid the baby over his shoulder to burp her as the phone started to ring. He wanted to get to it before it had a chance to wake Harley up. There was one hell of a mess to get cleaned up before she got out of bed. He sprinted towards the table in the hallway to grab it, tripping over Lou who was laying on the floor in front of the kitchen door. He yelped and bolted out of the way as J grabbed the phone.

"Hello?" He continued burping the baby as he held the phone between his shoulder and chin.

"No, there's no problem here. The bathtub just overflowed a little." He paused as he listened to the superintendent of the building on the other end.

"No, no need to send anyone up! We have a shop vac, I'll get right on that. Tell the downstairs neighbor sorry for us. Gotta run now."

As he hung up the phone the baby burped, spitting up warm breast milk down the back of his suit jacket. At the same moment the smoke detector started ringing incessantly.

"Oh shit!"

He ran back to the kitchen where Jackie's grilled cheese was now charcoal on one side. He threw the whole pan into the sink and turned on the faucet causing even more smoke and steam to fill the room. Jackie was giggling madly in his highchair as the baby started crying again. Joker would have thrown his hands up in surrender if he had an extra one to do so as Harley came running down the hallway. Her feet squished through the soaking wet hallway carpeting as she dashed towards the kitchen. She froze in the doorway taking in the scene before her. She looked from J to Jackie to the smoke rising from the sink and back at J. She noticed the spit up running down his back, the wet pant legs and the outfit Jack was wearing. She looked into Joker's face. His expression was a mixture of confusion, exasperation and helplessness. She doubled over and began laughing hysterically. Joker screwed up his face in annoyance.

"That's it Harls, yuck it up. This is highly amusing, I'm sure." It took her several minutes to get control of herself. Finally she was able to stop guffawing, wiping a tear from her eye as she straightened up.

"It's more than amusing Pud, it's _hysterical_! What the heck happened? I was only asleep for forty five minutes."

"It's kind of a long story." She chuckled as she put her hands on her hips.

"What happened to 'I can handle anything that gets thrown at me'?"

"Shut it, funny girl. I just got a little… _overwhelmed_ for a minute."

"Overwhelmed, huh? So why exactly is the hallway carpet soaking wet?" He looked a little sheepish.

"The tub overflowed."

"Yeah mama, and I feww in the toiwet and got poopies all ovew me." Harley shook her head, still smiling in amusement. Joker lowered his voice and said almost inaudibly.

"Thanks for blowing up my spot, kiddo."

"Here Pud, why don't you give me the baby and you go get changed. You smell like poop and spit up."

He grumbled under his breath as he walked to the bedroom. He wasn't used to failure, but he couldn't deny that he had just had an _epic_ parenting fail. He came out of the bedroom in his pajama bottoms and a tee shirt and was amazed to see that Harley seemed to have gotten everything under control. Jackie was eating a grilled cheese sandwich and Jojo was drinking the rest of her bottle. She sent him in to take care of the flood in the bathroom as she cleaned up the mess he had made of the kitchen. She got to work cleaning up the rest of the messes he'd made and getting the house put back together. They didn't speak about it again until after the kids were down for the night.

"So Pud, it's harder than it looks, isn't it?" He glanced over at her with a crooked grin on his face.

"I really screwed up today, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but it was good practice for you in case I ever get the flu or something." He looked at her as his eyes widened, the realization that he might get stuck doing this for days at a time finally dawning on him.

"You are _never_ allowed to get sick! I forbid it! I barely made it through an hour, how am I supposed to do this for a week?" She smirked at him.

"Oh you'll figure it out. You're the Joker, remember?" He raised an eyebrow as his lips slid to one side.

"I knew that would come back to bite me in the ass one day." He grumbled.

"By the way, what the hell did you dress Jackie in?"

"I didn't pick it out! He did. He says you let him dress himself!"

"Yeah but I pick out his clothes and stay there to help him. With that backwards 'S' on his chest he looked like he was trying to be Bizzarro. It was cute, really."

"I'm going to have to burn my suit. It's ruined, that smell will never come out. I'm just not cut out for single parenting." A playful smirk crossed her features.

"Well then you better keep me happy so I don't divorce you." She said smugly.

"Yeah, yeah. Keep on rubbing it in Harls. I failed I get it." He replied, crossing his arms over his chest. She leaned in and rested her head on his shoulder, gently running her fingers up and down his alabaster skin.

"Oh stop it Pud. You didn't fail. You're just learning on a curve is all." He glanced down at her.

"How do you do it all day, day in and day out?" She shrugged.

"Maternal instinct I guess. Plus I had plenty of practice with Jack."

"Well, remind me to do something nice for you soon." She nudged him in the ribs.

"Don't worry, I will. You look tired Pud. You ready for bed?"

"Yeah, I don't remember ever being this tired before, even after fighting Batsy back in the day. Let's hit the hay, beautiful."

They headed into the bedroom and curled up under the blankets together.

"You did good today Pud, really." He raised an eyebrow at her in the dark.

"Whatever Harley, that was a complete cluster fuck. Don't try to stroke my ego."

"Would it make you feel better if I stroked something else?"

"Actually Poo, the only thing I want right now is about six solid hours of sleep, but I appreciate the offer." She giggled and kissed his nose.

"Okay Puddin. I love you."

"Yeah, yeah. Just shut up already so I can sleep."

He wrapped his arm around her, gave her a quick kiss on the lips and dozed off hoping to God Harley never, ever left him alone with both kids again.

 **A/N – So ever since I finished Legacy I've been dying to write a chapter with Joker stuck alone with the kiddies. Also, since the first two chapters involved a very annoyed and depressed Harley, I wanted to lighten things up a bit for the third chapter. Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, I know it was a lot of fun to write!**

 **At this time I would like to give a shout out to my reviewers. Thanks for being so awesome. I really appreciate your comments and I like to know when I'm making you happy and when I'm not, or if there's something specific you'd like to see in future chapters. You guys rock.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Harley, I'm telling you, it's just colic. It will pass. You just need to be patient."

Harley dug her fingers into her hair in frustration as she listened to Jojo screaming from the nursery.

"Look Doc, I've done all of the reading on colic. It's supposed to stop around three to four months. We're in month seven now and she still screams like someone is torturing her all day and all night! I'm starting to lose it here!"

Doctor Kincade gave Harley a sympathetic glance. He could see the toll this was taking on her. Her complexion was pallid, there were dark, puffy circles under her eyes and he noticed the first hints of gray appearing in her hair.

"Harley I assure you, there is nothing physically wrong with Johanna. I have run every conceivable test on her and she is a healthy, well fed baby. This will pass. I promise you." She shook her head in disagreement.

"I want to show you something." She walked over to a table where she had a small red ball which she picked up and brought over to Kincade. "What do you know about psychopathy in children?" He was a bit taken aback by the question.

"Well, Harley, psychology is not really my forte, but I do have some basic knowledge on the subject. Why do you ask?"

"Come with me." They headed down the hallway to the nursery. "There's only one test that's proven accurate in determining if a child is psychopathic. If the child is more interested in looking at the inanimate object, in this case a ball, than a human face the likelihood is very good that the kid's a psycho. Watch."

She leaned over the bassinette but the baby did not stop crying or look at her at all. Then she held up the ball and although she still cried her eyes widened and she watched the movement of the object.

"Harley that doesn't necces-"

"Now you try it."

He sighed but took the ball from her. He bent at the waist and hovered over the child. She refused to make eye contact with him. He then repeated the process of holding up the ball and watched as her little eyes tracked it as she continued to cry.

"Look, Kincade, Mistah J's a psychopath, I have callous unemotional traits and it's been scientifically proven to be hereditary, but the research into psychopathy in infants is very limited. I'm at a loss here. I don't know what to do to help her or comfort her and it's not like I can waltz into Arkham and ask my old colleagues for help."

"I have to be honest here Harley. This is not my area of expertise. I don't know enough on the subject to offer any suggestions or solutions. What I am certain of is that you are suffering from a serious case of postpartum depression, which is entirely understandable, but we need to increase your meds. How is J handling all this?"

"Mistah J?" She scoffed. "He isn't handling it. He's avoiding it. Claims his 'work' has been taking up a lot of his time. He leaves early in the morning and doesn't get home until late at night. Funny how that happens whenever there's a problem around here, huh? Jack almost never gets to see his father anymore."

Jackie walked into the nursery with his hands over his ears and glared down at the baby. Kincade adored Jack as much as everyone else.

"Hey Jackie, how are you buddy?" He wrinkled up his little face and pointed at Jojo.

"It's bwoken. We should buwy it." Harley sighed.

"No, Jackie, we should not bury your sister." She picked him up. "Can you do mommy a favor and go play in your room for a few minutes while I talk to the doctor?"

"Okay mommy." The child said sullenly as Harley set him down. Once he was out of the room Harley turned back to Kincade.

"See, it's affecting everyone, even Jack."

"Harley, I wish I had some answers for you, but unfortunately I don't. I know this is hard on you, but you have to hang in there. I'm convinced the crying episodes are indeed colic and not to be attributed to Johanna's possible inheritance of her father's condition." He pulled out his prescription pad. "In the meantime, I'm maxing your dose on the Zoloft. If this doesn't help with the depression, we'll have to try something else which means switching the baby to formula."

Harley hung her head feeling defeated. She loved her daughter, but she was angry at the situation. She felt so isolated, something she never expected from motherhood. It was estranging her from her friends but most of all from her husband. She had been so exhausted since Jojo was born that she and J hadn't been intimate in any capacity in months. Now he was never around and when he was he was distant. She and J had spent what little time he was home bickering and she was beginning to resent him for it. She felt like she had absolutely no support. She recently found herself having dark, violent thoughts and it was beginning the scare her. She had no one she could talk to about it and she worried she might hurt herself or the baby if something didn't change soon.

"Fine." She took the script from him.

"Would you like me to talk to Joker?" Her eyes widened,

"No. He's not likely to take something like that from you and I'd hate to see you get shot for your effort. I'll handle it myself."

Kincade felt terrible, but there was really nothing else he could do.

"Fill that prescription right away and call me if you need me."

Later that evening, Joker was in his back office at the Grin and Bare it club in the Bowery counting the nights receipts. He glanced up at the clock and let out a heavy sigh. He should be home right now. It was well past midnight and he actually missed his family. He just didn't quite know how to handle the mess that had become their lives since the baby was born. The incessant crying from both children and his wife was driving him to dark places in his mind and he didn't trust himself enough to be around them right now. There was a knock on his door. He couldn't imagine who it could be, the staff knew better than to disturb him.

"Come in." He grumbled.

The door swung inward to reveal Candi, which was obviously not her real name, one of the clubs dancers. She was scantily clad, still wearing her working clothes which consisted of a metallic silver thong bikini and platform stilettos. She was a young, buxom, curvy brunette with hazel eyes who was actually rather attractive in a very sleazy kind of way. In one hand she held a rocks glass filled with brown liquor and she leaned against the doorway provocatively. The heavy scent of Love Spell by Veronica's Secret filled the small space.

"Hey Mr. J. I thought you might be thirsty so I brought you a little something to wet your whistle."

He raised an eyebrow at her as she sauntered towards his desk. What in the hell could she want from him? She set the glass down in front of him.

"Well Candi, as nice a gesture as that is I'm really not very thirsty at the moment. What do you want?"

She perched herself on the corner of his desk and crossed her long legs. The angle at which she was sitting revealed a dragonfly tramp stamp just above her ass.

"Well Mr. J, I noticed you've been here an awful lot lately and I was just wondering if everything was okay. At home I mean."

"Everything is just fine." He said through gritted teeth. "Just lots of work to take care of, so if you don't mind-"

"Oh c'mon Mr. J, I've worked here for three years and you almost never come in here. When you do you're usually in and out in less than twenty minutes. Trouble with the wife?"

"I really don't see how that's any of your business!" He growled as his brows drew together.

"Don't be mad. I can just tell you're stressed." She slid off the desk and he had thought she would head for the door, but instead she walked behind his chair and started to massage his shoulders. He froze, his muscles tensing at her touch. "I see it all the time. The guys who come in here night after night, most of them just want to talk."

"Talk, sure, right. That's _all_ they want to do, I'm sure."

"They tell us about their wives at home, how they've drifted apart over the years, or since the children came how they've lost their looks, their bodies." She leaned down so her mouth was near his ear. He could feel her breath on his neck and it gave him goosebumps. "How they lose interest in the bedroom, become frigid and can't fulfill their duties to their husbands." He shook her hands off his shoulders.

"Yeah well, that's never been a problem for me so if you'll ju-"

She was suddenly in front of him, sliding her body over his so she was straddling his lap, her full breasts pressing against his chest and her arms twined around his neck. The smell of her perfume was overwhelming and not in a good way. He was shocked, he hadn't been hit on by a woman other than Harley in years and it caught him off guard.

"Come on Mr. J, I'd be more than happy to take care of you if Harley won't."

She leaned in and licked his earlobe. He felt himself growing hard. He abruptly jumped up out of the chair, spilling Candi onto the dirty linoleum flooring.

"That's enough already! I get pawed at by greedy little hands enough at home for chrissakes!" He pulled his handgun from the inner pocket of his jacket. "Now get out of my office before I 'retire' you!"

She shrieked as her eyes widened in fear. She scrambled out the door backwards on her ass. As soon as her ridiculous platforms cleared the frame, he slammed the door and locked it. He was angry but he wasn't quite sure who he was angriest with at that moment. The girl certainly for being presumptive and coming on to him, the situation at home that had driven him to seek refuge in this dump or himself for being here so much the staff had deduced there were problems at home. He was certainly mad at his body for reacting to the little tramp's advance.

Mostly though, he realized he was angry at himself for not taking care of his family. It struck him that if he was so frustrated he'd begun hiding out to avoid it that Harley, who had no choice but be at home alone with Jack and the screaming baby, must be going out of her mind. He was being selfish and he knew it. He sighed and looked at the clock again. It was almost three in the morning. It may be too late tonight, but he made the decision to go home, talk to Harley and face the music.

Harley took the new dosage of her Zoloft and since Jojo was actually sleeping for a change she was able to drop off almost right away. At two in the morning the baby monitor began wailing at her. The medication had hit her hard and she was having a very hard time waking herself up. She was still half asleep as she rolled out of the bed clutching the pillow she had been using as a substitute for cuddling with her husband at night.

She staggered groggily to the nursery where she stood staring at the tiny little person that had been causing so much trouble. She just stood and stared through her half closed eyes as the baby wailed, for how long she had no idea. It felt like she was dreaming. No not dreaming, she was having a nightmare. She had to stop it. She could make it stop. She clutched the pillow in both hands. It wouldn't take much effort, it wouldn't even take very long. She leaned over the side of the crib and slowly brought the pillow down towards the hysterical infant when the overhead light suddenly flipped on.

" _HARLEY!"_

It was enough to make her pause. A moment later Joker had his hands on her, roughly dragging her away from the crib. She finally woke up enough to realize what she had been about to do and threw the pillow away from her in horror. Joker spun her so she was facing him.

"What the hell were you doing? What is wrong with you?"

She looked into his eyes and burst into tears. He pulled her close as she had a small meltdown, the baby continuing to cry in the meantime. Once she was over the worst of it she sniffled into his shoulder and smelled the distinct odor of perfume. Perfume that wasn't her brand. She pulled back abruptly and looked him up and down. He not only reeked of perfume, he was covered in glitter. Her eyes narrowed to slits and her nostrils flared as she stared at him in disbelief. J knew that look and although he wasn't sure what he had done to deserve it, he was certain he was about to be on the receiving end of a knock down drag out fight.

"You _bastard_! How could you?" She screamed. He had absolutely no idea what had gotten into her.

"What? What did I do?" Angry tears were gathering in her eyes.

"I'm stuck here alone all damn day with two children while you're out screwing around with some whore? You don't even have the decency to wash off her perfume and body glitter?"

She punched him. He grabbed her wrist as she tried pulling back to wind up for another blow.

"Harley, wait! Pumpkin, stop! This is just a misunderstanding! I can explain!" Tears were pouring down her cheeks again as she tried punching him with her other hand which he also intercepted.

"Let me go! I hate you! I fucking hate you, you chuckling shmuck!" She struggled trying to pull her wrists from his grip. "Let go!"

"Harley! I was not cheating on you goddammit! You need to calm down so we can talk about this." She tried kicking him as she screamed.

"Don't you tell me to calm down!"

He needed to subdue her until she was at least semi-rational again. He swept her foot from under her causing her to fall backwards. He got on top of her, straddling her hips as he pinned her arms above her head.

"Harley, stop it. I mean it!" He yelled into her furious, red and tear streaked face.

"Fuck you Mistah J!"

At that moment the strangest thing happened. As the two clowns glared at one another from their position on the floor, laughter filled the room. Tiny, baby laughter. They both froze and stared at one another until, in unison they slowly turned their heads towards the cheerful sound coming from the crib. Jojo was on her side staring at her parents and giggling hysterically. Joker and Harley both had the same stunned expression. The baby had never laughed before. NEVER. At this point they thought the only sound she was capable of making was that inconsolable scream she had down so well.

"I can't believe it. Am I crazy or is she laughing at us?"

"I can't believe it either Puddin, but yeah, she is. She thinks violence is funny?" J looked down into Harley's face.

"Well, she is my kid after all. You never let us fight in front of the kids, and now we come to find out all we ever needed to do was knock each other around in front of her. Go figure."

Jojo was still giggling and making cooing noises. Harley looked back up at Joker.

"You and I still have things to talk about but I have an idea. Let me up."

He did and she left the room. When she returned she had the laptop and a stack of DVD's in her hands.

"What are you doing Harley?"

"If the kid likes violence and it's gonna shut her up, then the kid gets violence." She pulled over a chair, propped the computer on it and popped in one of the disks. "Let's see if the kid likes Mohamed Ali."

Jojo stared fascinated. As soon as the first punches were thrown she began giggling again.

"Harley you're fucking brilliant!"

"Shhhh. Let's just slowly back out of the room and see what happens when I shut off the light." They did so and when the light shut off the baby remained quiet, giggling occasionally. Harley closed the door and they tiptoed down to their bedroom. Once inside Harley spun on Joker. "Now, you have some serious explaining to do!"

J sighed, even though he didn't do anything with the damn stripper he was about to be in really deep doo-doo.

"So Poobear, listen, you know I have a lot of different businesses I have to take care of. Well one of them is…" he paused knowing she was going to freak out. "Well it's a gentleman's club." She glared at him. _Oh, here it comes._

"The Grin and Bare it?" His eyes almost popped out of his skull.

"How do you know about that? I never told you!"

"None of your damn business, I just know, okay. Yeah so, explain the fucking glitter and whore perfume all over you!"

"It wasn't my fault, I swear! I was in my office doing the books, minding my own damn business when one of the dancers came in to 'talk' to me." He used air quotes to accent the word. "She noticed I'd been around a lot more lately and figured you and I were having marital problems, so she tried to seduce me. She sat on my lap and that's it!"

"Oh and I sooo believe that!"

"Pumpkin, really, I couldn't make this shit up. Well she did lick my ear before I drew my gun on her and threw her out, but I swear I didn't encourage her and I did threaten to kill her. I swear to God!"

"That bitch is sooo dead for putting her hands on _my_ husband! What's her name?" He shrugged.

"How the hell am I supposed to know? They all have stage names. She goes by Candi or some such." She continued glaring at him but he could see her body language relaxing a bit.

"Well fine, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt this time, but in the future, get someone else to handle the books over there or we're done. Got it clown?"

"I got it. Consider it done Pumpkin."

"Now go wash the stink of whore off of you before you come to bed. And don't you dare wake me up! Now that I figured out a way to keep baby quiet, I plan on sleeping the sleep of the dead."

"Will do Harls. You really are brilliant though, you know that?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere tonight Puddin, but I love you anyway." He leaned over and kissed her.

"I love you too, Poo."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Harley and Ivy sat on a bench in Robinson Park watching Jack and Johanna playing with the other children in the playground. Well Jack was playing. Jojo sat quietly alone on a railroad tie to one side of the jungle gym silently observing the goings on. Harley could hardly believe how quickly they were growing up. Jack was now five years old and Johanna had just turned three. Jack was a happy, friendly and outgoing boy who talked as much as his mother, asking questions excessively, much to Joker's chagrin. Jojo, on the other hand, was standoffish and rarely spoke. It wasn't that she hadn't developed language skills, she was actually exceptionally bright and knew more words than Jack had at her age, she just actively chose to remain silent more often than not.

It was an unusually beautiful spring day. The sun was shining brightly and even though she was wearing a wide brimmed hat to conceal her identity Ivy was thoroughly enjoying soaking up the rays.

"So how are you making out with Johanna lately? Any improvement Harls?"

Harley looked across the playground at her daughter and shrugged her shoulders.

"Not really. She still doesn't like to make eye contact with anyone and I can't seem to get her talking very often. Mistah J has better luck with that than I do but the two of them have a pretty strong bond. She likes the word 'no' an awful lot though."

"How are the tantrums?"

"The same. She pitches a fit anytime Jackie touches anything of hers. She's kinda obsessive/compulsive about her things. In a way its impressive how she sorts and separates her things into categories in her room but if something is out of place you can expect a crying, screaming, kicking and arm flailing fit out of her." Harley smiled as Jack helped one of the smaller girls onto a swing and pushed her. He was such a little gentleman. "Yesterday Jackie used her crayons while she napped. He put a blue crayon into the cup of red and orange crayons and when she woke up and saw it she totally lost her shit. Thirty minute meltdown."

"Wow, that's got to be tough."

"Well I'm learning how to get around it. I just buy double of everything so each kid has their own things. It's expensive but we can afford it. It seems to have helped a little bit."

"So Jackie starts kindergarten in the fall. How did you manage to register him for public school?"

"Fake birth certificate and driver's licenses. As far as the school knows J and I are Mr. and Mrs. Kerr from Brooklyn, New York, recently relocated to Gotham due to my husband being transferred to a different branch. They think he's an investment banker."

"Ha! That's pretty funny Harl. J has plenty of experience working in banks, that's for sure, but withdrawing rather than investing."

"Yeah Mistah J did too. He thought it was a pretty good gag."

"Is Jackie still doing well in pre-school?" Harley smiled as she looked at her best friend.

"He loves it! He's such a social butterfly. He loves having other kids to play with. Just ask him about his girlfriends' when he comes back over here. You'll get a kick out of it." Ivy arched a sly brow at Harley.

"Girlfriends? Plural?"

"Yup, he's a regular Cassanova. The ladies love my little boy. Oh good, here he comes now." Jackie came running over.

"Mom! I have a question."

"Okay sweetie, what is it?"

"Do I have moobs?" Harley choked, wondering what kind of inappropriate terminology his playmates had shared with him.

"Where did you hear that?"

"In the car." That's not the answer she had been expecting.

"What? Did a friend tell you that?" He pursed his little lips and gestured impatiently.

"No, they don't know either. I heard it in the car. Do I have moobs?" Harley had no idea what the hell her son was asking her.

"Moobs? What do you mean?"

"Do I have the moo-oo-oo-oo-oobs like Jagger?" Both women burst out hysterically laughing as Jackie put his hands on his hips and screwed up his face in annoyance. "Stop laughing! I really want to know! Tell me!" Once Harley was able to get ahold of herself she smiled at her son.

"It's not moobs, Jackie. It's _moves_ with a vee in the middle. Not a bee." He held his hands out to his sides.

"Well what the heck does that mean?" Ivy grinned at the confused little boy.

"Can you dance Jackie?" He stared at her blankly for a couple of seconds and then slapped his forehead with his open palm.

"Duh!" He looked a little embarrassed for a moment then smiled again. "So I _do_ have the moves like Jagger!" Then he looked thoughtful again. "Who's Jagger?"

"I think they mean Mick Jagger from the Rolling Stones, sweetie. He's a rock star."

"Ooohhhhh. Okay. Thanks mom!" Ivy grabbed his arm before he could run back to play.

"Jackie, mommy tells me you have a girlfriend?" He nodded enthusiastically.

"No Aunt Ivy. I have three girlfriends." He corrected her as he held up the last three fingers of his right hand.

"Three? My goodness why so many?"

"Well, they're all pretty and they all like me. And I like them so why not? Jenny wants me to marry her but I can't marry her. Angela is the only one I can marry."

"Well why is that Jackie?"

"Because her parents own a restaurant." Ivy was a little confused by his answer.

"Well, what does owning a restaurant have to do with getting married honey?" Harley was smirking behind her hand. She'd heard it all before.

"Because Daddy told me the way to man's heart is through his stomach. I asked him what that meant and he said men only love girls who can cook. None of my girlfriends can cook, but Angela has the guy in the white uniform cook for me when we have playdates. I figure it's the next best thing, so she can get to my heart, which means I can marry her. The other two are just out of luck I guess." Ivy beamed at him.

"Well that's a very interesting way of looking at it, Jackie, but aren't you a little young to get married?"

"Mommy says not until I'm twenty-five, so we're just engaged right now. Can I go play now?"

"Go ahead sweetie, have fun."

Both Harley and Ivy giggled as he ran off.

"That kid is a real character Harls."

"Tell me about it. Some of the questions he comes up with just crack me up."

Jojo wandered over to her mother with her hands cupped together.

"What do you have there, Jojo?"

She smiled and Ivy had to admit it was the kind of smile that gave her the chills. She opened her hands and Harley gasped. There was a tiny baby bird chirping softly in her hands.

"Awww, look. It must have fallen out of its nest. The poor little thing. Now Jojo, if you show me where you found it maybe we can put it back so its mommy doesn't miss it." Jojo closed her hands and pulled them away from her mother as she took three steps backwards. "Jojo, you don't want to make the bird's mommy sad do you?"

She flashed that wicked smile again and fixed her eyes directly on Harley's as she held the chick in one hand. She quickly crushed her fist closed, squishing the bird and killing it. Harley gasped again, only this time in horror.

"Johanna! Why did you do that?" She quickly grabbed a wipe from her diaper bag and grasped her daughter's wrist. "Open your hand and drop it! Now!" She said sternly.

She complied and Harley began cleaning her hands as she continued smiling all the while. The whole scene gave Ivy the creeps. She loved Jack to death but this one scared her a little. Once Harley got the mess off of Jojo's hands she looked up at Ivy, her face stricken.

"Red, can you go get Jackie. I think it's time I took them home." Ivy adamantly agreed.

"Certainly Harley, I'll be right back."

Harley looked at her daughter. She was once again avoiding making eye contact but Harley wasn't having it. She grabbed her chin and forced her to look up.

"That was a very bad thing you did Jojo! It's not okay to kill and torture living things. Mommy is very disappointed in you."

She felt like a hypocrite. Joker killed and tortured plenty of people in his day and she had done more than her fair share of killing as well, but she couldn't let Jojo think that was okay. She was trying to help her overcome her callous and unemotional behavior and help guide her to be a normal, healthy child and hopefully a sane adult. Right now it was looking pretty grim. The look in Johanna's eyes said it all. She had no remorse for what she just did, in fact she seemed to quite enjoy not only killing the bird, but the reaction it caused in Harley. Her child was without a doubt a psychopath, just like her father.

That evening after the children were asleep Harley sought Joker out. He was in his office doing some last minute work on his computer. She softly opened the door, slipped inside and closed it behind her. She cleared her throat and J raised his head to look at her.

"Puddin, we need to talk about Jojo."

"What is it this time? I swear Harley, you're making too much out of her not talking. She'll grow out of it eventually." She shook her head.

"It's not about that. This is something new."

She went on to explain about what had happened at the park, and her reaction to being reprimanded for it, which was really no reaction at all.

"So she killed a bird, big whoop. It doesn't mean she's a psycho."

"Mistah J she displays all of the classic signs and symptoms of a psychopath."

"So what do you expect me to do about it, Harley?"

"She needs guidance. If we can't change it, we at least need to lay down some ground rules. She needs you to set some boundaries. You're the only person she communicates with or listens to."

"I still think you're wrong about this. She's just acting out. Kids do that, but fine. I'll have a chat with her. Happy now?"

"Yes. Thank you Mistah J. I appreciate it."

Much later that night, as they were in bed, Harley was having a lovely dream about taking a family vacation to Disneyland. It was one of those very realistic dreams. She swore she could smell the cotton candy, and feel the wind in her hair as they rode the Big Thunder Mountain roller coaster. She put her arms in the air and laughed as they dipped and turned. Her dream was abruptly interrupted however as her mind registered that she was being watched. She opened her eyes. The door was open just a crack, allowing the tiniest bit of light to filter into the room from the nightlight in the hallway. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness she realized Jojo was standing at her bedside, only inches from her face, staring at her.

"Jojo, what are you doing?"

"Nothing."

Harley noticed her hands were behind her back.

"Are you holding something sweetie?"

"No."

Jojo smiled in that creepy way she had, hands still behind her back. Harley flipped on the lamp on the bedside table.

"Jojo, what do you have behind your back?"

"Nothing."

Joker rolled over, annoyed that his sleep was being disturbed at his ungodly hour. He propped himself up on his elbow to see his daughter standing there.

"What the devil is going on?"

"Jojo take your hands from behind your back right now and show me what you're holding. Right now."

The child smiled more widely and revealed what she was keeping hidden behind her back. It was a long kitchen knife, taken from the block on the counter. Harley sucked in a shocked breath.

"Why do you have that?"

"I wanted to give it to you, mommy."

J finally realized that Harley had not been exaggerating. He hopped out of bed and came around to kneel in front of his daughter. He plucked the knife from her hand and passed it to Harley. Then he gently grabbed Jojo and picked her up.

"Sweetie, I think it's time for you and I to have a little chat. Let's go to your room so mommy can go back to sleep." Out of the side of his mouth he added, "And lock up the knives."

He walked his daughter to her room to talk about a few things as Harley stared after them. She prayed he was able to make some sense of all this. She prayed he was able to get through to her. She shook her head. Only time would tell.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

There had been a modicum of relief in the household since Joker had taken Jojo under his wing. He had always intended to pass along his knowledge to his children so that they could eventually take up the family business anyway. Although, even he had to admit that it was disconcerting to see this level of calculated evil in a three year old, especially since Jackie was the polar opposite of Jojo. Not knowing anything about his own past he had no idea if he was born a psychopath or if it was the result of the chemical bath he took at Ace, but he now felt sorry for his parents (if he had any) if he was like this at her age. He was starting slowly with her, first acknowledging her feelings and not condemning her for having them. Engaging her in conversations that, with her three year old, little girl vocal chords but her adult vocabulary and understanding of things, creeped even _him_ out sometimes.

He was teaching her in theory and not yet in practice, much to her disappointment. Joker knew that at her tender age, her compulsions were far too hard for her to control. She wasn't happy about it, but he had made a point of having all of the weaponry in the house locked up. He was pleased to see that the toys he had made for the kiddies during Harley's pregnancy with Jackie were finally getting some use, since Jackie had absolutely no interest in them. Jojo was particularly fascinated with the death trap building kit and she would spend hours sketching new ideas with her crayons. Joker was actually pretty impressed with some of her ideas. Having an outlet for her 'urges' at least seemed to be helping ease some of the tensions in the household, even if the problems were far from over.

Joker had established some basic ground rules for her to follow, first and foremost being that family members were off limits, no exceptions. He explained to her that if she felt the compulsion to hurt someone in the house that she needed to come to him immediately. Even though Jojo had a strong bond with her father she was a willful and independent child, sometimes rebelling against him and disregarding his guidelines, which worried Harley. Jojo seemed completely indifferent when she was punished or disciplined which made enforcing said rules all the more difficult. One such situation arose about eight months after Joker had started her education.

He and Harley were in the kitchen together, Joker drinking coffee and reading the morning paper while Harley finished cleaning up the breakfast dishes. Lewis had already come to drive Jackie to school and Jojo was in her room playing. It was blissfully quiet for a change. Harley decided it was as good a time as any to address something that had been bothering her for the past two weeks. She sat at the kitchen table across from her husband and cleared her throat. Joker looked at her over his reading glasses with one eyebrow raised.

"Yes Poo?" She nervously tapped her fingernails on the tabletop.

"So how have things been going with Johanna?" he folded his paper and set it down.

"Fine I guess. She's anxious to learn more of course but I keep telling her she needs to be patient. Boy, the apple didn't fall far from the tree with that one." He chuckled softly. Harley met his eyes and he could see the anxiety present in those baby blue orbs. "What's the matter Pumpkin?"

"Pud, when's the last time you were in her room?" He shrugged as he thought about it.

"I dunno, Harls. We're usually in the lab when we're together. Since she's on this tucking _herself_ in at night kick, I guess it's been a few weeks. Why?"

"I think she's hiding something."

"What makes you say that?"

"If I even try to open her door she starts screaming bloody murder. I haven't been able to get in there to change her sheets in weeks. I tried sneaking in there while she was asleep last night to discover that she's been barring her door and the hyenas have both been sniffing and scratching at it for the past few days."

"Well let's get to the bottom of it then." Harley released the breath she was holding as Joker stood. She followed him down the hallway where he stopped in front of his daughter's door. "Harley, do you smell that?"

"Yes. It's rank! What the heck do you think it could be?"

"Well, we're about to find out." He turned the knob and pushed on the door, which didn't budge. "Jojo, it's daddy. Come open the door sweet pea."

" _NO!"_ Came their daughter's screamed reply. Joker and Harley exchanged a wary glance.

"Stand back Pumpkin." He said as he pushed Harley away from the door.

J lifted his good leg and kicked, knocking the chair out from underneath the doorknob. As the door swung inward the smell of decay wafted out towards them. Harley covered her nose with her cupped hand.

"Oh my God Puddin. What the hell has she been doing in there?"

The smell also attracted Bud and Lou from their naps. Harley grabbed their collars to hold them back, their muzzles both dripping with saliva. They pulled forward wanting to get at whatever it was that had died. Joker entered the room to see Jojo standing against her closet door, legs apart and arms spread as if she could keep them away from whatever it was she didn't want them to see. Joker looked down at her defiant little face. She glared at him with those disconcerting eyes, her face scrunched up in anger.

"Jojo, what are you hiding in there?"

" _NOTHING! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"_

"Jojo, step aside so daddy can see what you have in there."

"NONONONONONONONONO! GO AWAY!"

Joker was having none of it. He gripped Jojo by her upper arms, lifting her and setting her aside as she kicked, clawed and wailed. Harley let go of the hyenas to hold Jojo back as J investigated her closet. As he pulled the door open, Harley had to swallow the urge to vomit. The smell was cloying and filling her nostrils with the recognizable scent of death.

"Oh boy." J swiveled his head to look at his wife. "You're gonna want to see this, Poo."

Harley released her thrashing child and cautiously stepped towards the closet. Her heart stopped for a moment when she saw what Jojo had been hiding from them. The bottom of the closet was covered in a layer of pigeon corpses. There had to be at least twenty of them and they had been tortured and mutilated until they were almost unrecognizable. There was also the corpse of a cat amongst the pigeons, its stomach sliced open, orange fur coated in splashes of dried blood. The bodies were rotting and maggots crawled about in the decomposing flesh and gelatinous eyeballs of the animals.

"Oh. My. God! Puddin where the hell did they all come from?"

Joker shook his head. He fixed his eyes on his daughter.

"Jojo, where did you get them?" He demanded as Harley backed away from the stench.

"I didn't do it!" Joker raised his eyebrow.

"Oh, really now. Then who did do it, kiddo?"

Quick as a whip she pointed across the hallway towards her brother's door.

"Jackie did it!"

J had to stifle a giggle and a smile. Everyone in the room knew Jackie would never even think of something like this. He was a fervent animal lover. J was grateful Jackie was at school. This would really upset him, likely giving him night terrors for weeks.

"Jojo, I know for a fact your brother didn't do this so I'll ask you again. Where did you get them?"

Harley was leaning against Jojo's desk when she happened to glance down at the papers scattered across its surface.

"Um, Pud? I think I know how she got the birds."

She held up a crayon drawing of her daughters. Johanna launched herself at her mother, jumping and trying to grab the paper before she could hand it off to Joker. He took the page and examined it. It was a little rough looking but he could tell that it was a set of plans for a trap, and there was only one conceivable place she could have set it up.

"I think we better have a look up on the roof, Poo. Come on Jojo. Come with mommy and daddy to the roof."

She crossed her arms over her little chest and didn't move. J was losing his patience. He grabbed her wrist and physically dragged her behind him as they headed to the access door to the roof. Harley closed the bedroom door on the way out to keep Bud and Lou from trying to eat the birds. Even if they were carrion eaters, she wasn't taking the chance of one of them puking up decomposed pigeons onto her carpets later. Cleaning up the mess in the closet was going to be unpleasant enough.

Owning the penthouse had its perks, one of which was exclusive access to the building's roof. They usually kept this door locked, the key kept in a drawer in their bedroom, but when he turned the knob it opened. He had seen that key in his drawer just this morning so Johanna must have stolen it from their room, unlocked the door then snuck the key back into its hiding place. He was amazed at how smart and devious she was at three years old.

They ascended the stairs together. Once they reached the roof it became very obvious how Johanna had been capturing her prey. She had rigged a trap made from a cardboard box, a ceramic dinner plate, duct tape, a stick, a length of twine and bread. It was similar to a Wile E. Coyote trap Harley had seen in Roadrunner cartoons as a kid, but Jojo was smart enough to realize the box needed weight to ensure her hostages didn't escape while she waited to creep back onto the roof in the dead of the night to retrieve the birds and sneak them into her room, so she had taped the dinner plate to the top of the box. She lured the birds under the box with bread then pulled the string which was tied to the stick, the box would drop and viola. Little birdy victims to torture. Joker was actually impressed, Harley looked worried. J turned to his daughter.

"What have I said about this, Jojo?" She looked down at her feet.

"Never in the house." She practically whispered the response.

"That's right kiddo. Never in the house." He sighed and looked at his wife. "So now what?"

Harley shook her head as she tried to decide on an appropriate punishment. They had agreed not to punish her too badly for infractions of this type since they couldn't change the fact that she had inherited her father's psychological defect.

"No TV for two weeks." Jojo smiled, unperturbed. Harley glanced at her watch then up at J. "We really need to talk about this, but it'll have to wait until later. I'm gonna need you to keep an eye on her while I clean up the mess in her room. Jackie will be home in a few hours and I don't want him to know about this."

"No problem Poohbear."

Harley spent the next several hours gagging as she cleaned up dead animals, entrails, maggots and blood. She scrubbed the walls and hardwood flooring liberally with bleach several times but she could still smell the odor of decay. It must have seeped into Jojo's clothing, so she emptied the rack and washed every single item. She had barley finished when Lewis and Jackie came walking into the penthouse. Harley's face brightened to see the smile on her son's face.

"Mom! Mom! Look! I got an A on my spelling test and Miss Vicky gave me a sticker!" He held up the paper for her to take. She smiled at his messy handwriting, so like his father's, spelling out cat, dog, bug and about twenty other short words.

"Good job Jackie! I'm so proud of you baby! I'll hang this on the fridge so daddy can see."

She leaned down and embraced her son enjoying the feeling of him squeezing her back, something Jojo never did with her. Her breath unexpectedly hitched as tears began forming at the corners of her eyes. Jackie pulled back and saw the moisture on her cheeks.

"What's wrong mama?"

She quickly dashed the tears away, angry at herself for crying in front of her son. She pasted a smile onto her face.

"Nothing Jackie, I just missed you so much. That's all." He rolled his eyes as he continued to beam at her.

"I was just at school, but I'm home now mama, so you can be happy again."

She squeezed him again. Jackie was her sun, moon and stars and she was worried. With their recent revelation about Jojo she was terrified she may act out using him as a target. She honestly feared her own daughter and feared for the life of her son because of her recent behavior.

"I love you Jackie."

"I love you too mama. Can I go play now?"

"Of course, go have fun baby."

She watched him run down the hallway. She turned her head to see Jojo glaring down the hallway after her brother. Jojo, much like her father, may treat Harley horribly from time to time and rarely showed her affection but she was insanely jealous of any affection she saw her give to Jackie and that worried her even more.

That evening, once the kids were in bed and the house was quiet again, Joker and Harley sat together on the couch in the living room to discuss the events of the day. J had his arm around his wife, her head leaning on his shoulder. He knew she was not going to like what he had to say, but it had to be said.

"Poo, I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but I think it's time we moved."

Her head shot up off his shoulder and she stared at him wide eyed.

"Move? Why?"

"Pumpkin, I know this is hard for you to understand. Even though Batsy may have called you a psychopath, you're really not. You're an obsessive, co-dependent with Stockholm syndrome, so you just can't understand what it's like to be an honest to goodness psycho. Here's the thing, there is no repressing the urges, the murderous rage, at least for any length of time. Jojo has even less control because she's a child. If we don't deal with this the right way she will eventually snap and she could hurt you, or Jackie or one of the other tenants of the building and bring the heat down on all of us. She already killed Mrs. Roberts's cat."

Mrs. Roberts lived on the thirty second floor, only three below their own. Harley had seen the missing cat fliers in the hallways and next to the buildings mail boxes. His name was Fluffernutter and he had apparently been missing for ten days. Mrs. Roberts was obviously never going to have the happy reunion she hoped for.

"Oh that's where she got the cat?" Joker nodded. "Well where do you think we should go? Back to Coventry?"

"No, too populated. I suggest either the steel mill or the warehouse in Tri-corner Yards."

Harley sighed heavily. She loved their home and didn't want to leave, but he was right and the shrink in her knew it.

"Tri-corner Yards then. I couldn't stand it in that damn steel mill."

"Good. At least there's already a soundproof room there. I think as she gets older that will come in really handy."

"I never in a million years thought that this is what motherhood would be like. I'm scared of my own daughter and I hate it!"

He felt her body hitch as her tears started. He had expected her to react this way. She may not have been terrified of him when they met, but their situation was completely different. He was a celebrity, an adult and was thoroughly restrained when they first met. He already had the ability to fake emotions convincingly and his natural charm (and devastating good looks) made it easy for him to woo her. Jojo had not learned how to imitate emotions yet, she had barely begun to grasp the concept, so to Harley she was simply a monster and terrifying. He may not be able to relate, but he understood.

He gently rubbed her back and comforted her as she cried herself dry. Once her tears subsided her took her face in his hands and tipped her head back so she was looking directly into his eyes.

"I know this is hard for you Poo, but I promise you it will get better as she gets older. She'll learn self-control, she'll learn how to mimic emotions to fit in and things will start falling into place. We just need to get through this rough patch. Can you be strong for me baby? Can you weather the storm with me?"

"God Pud, I hope so. I'm trying to be open minded, but it's not so easy. Jackie is perfectly normal but Johanna…." She trailed off at a loss for words.

"Just promise me you'll try. As long as we stick together and work as a team we're gonna get through it. Together."

He brushed her drying tears away with the balls of his thumbs then leaned in and placed his lips to hers. She still smelled faintly of bleach, but it wasn't really all that unpleasant. He broke the kiss and looked at her with heavily lidded eyes.

"So Poo. The kids are asleep and you've had an awfully rough day. How about you let Daddy make it all better?" She gave him a crooked smile.

"I think that might be just what the doctor ordered Pud."


End file.
